Keeping Conscious Rotating Header Image

January 14th, 2010:

View from the table…

I dunno if that the eating from the table has been so much of the stimulus for thought or if conversations I’ve been having have been. Most of the conversation has been almost like a therapy session like experience, although it seems to have this intellictual sense about it to me vs an emotional one.

So the marathon is coming up this weekend. I’ve been training for 26 weeks and this will be my third. Two things have become clear in the last 4 weeks around this:

  1. Accepting the label that I am an athlete
  2. Asking for help from others

The first came about while writing my profile for a dating site called Plenty Of Fish. In the part where you write about yourself I had written runner. After a couple of days on the site, I found a forum on there and saw some more tips on how to improve your profile and what to do and not to do on it. It was then upon tweeking and improving the profile over the next couple of weeks that it slowly dawned on me that I AM an athlete. It was a label that I haven’t seen on ME. One I hadn’t been ready to accept. When people would ask what I do, I’d just say I run a little and train for marathons. But not much… and just sort of poo-poo the whole thing. But once I accepted that label and started to think about what it meant, there is no doubt that I am an athlete. I’ve got a whole chest of drawers of JUST EXERCISE CLOTHES. I have trained for 9 months out of 12 for the last 3 years. I am focused on my workouts. I keep awareness about what I eat, cause I know it affects my workouts. etc. etc. My intensity of working out, my stick to it-ness, despite injuries and setbacks, and finally this year my leaps and bounds of improvement, all clearly say, ATHLETE. I started the running as a way to “see hotties” <chuckle> and get thinner and more fit. This morning while getting dressed I noticed my body in the mirror. [funny how we don’t see ourselves…] And I’m am looking pretty darned good! Not bulked out, but lean.  And my weight has been really good without me having to be too conscious about it. Was surprised to see myself 151lb last night. I was 156 last week. Kinda of amazing considering that we JUST had the holidays where eating is often out of control. Although I have to admit, mine was pretty good this year. Wasn’t even really trying… But enough. I have accomploshied a goal of getting thinner easily enough and now have entered into a new lifestyle that has brought me greater satisfaction and enjoyment than I thought when I embarked on my first run.

So the second part, accepting help, came about when i was realizing my reluctance to sit down and write out the instructions to my support group (my parents) on where to meet me on the race route for the marathon. I’ve basically have put it off this the week of the marathon. I finally sent out the instructions last night! Four days before the marathon and TWO days AFTER I had promised them I would get them the instructions! Plus there are a few more instructions to go over once I get to their house the night before the race. So what is it about asking for help from people, even my parents, that I am reluctant to do? This behavior is one I have acknowledge before in my Warriors group. Interesting this is that once I identified and said it out loud, I was very quickly able to get about that business and take care of it! A little psycho analysis kind of reveals to myself…. a young boy who felt out of place with his family. Not necessarily, not loved, but just one who felt like a stranger. As if no one “got” him. I think it was thinking like that, that directed me to “take care of things myself”. We could also say that my parents were so busy with their careers, they didn’t pay enough attention to a young boy who had a harder time expressing himself. But that is a easy out explanation.