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new trends

I am noticing a recent trend in some of my dates with the people I have been meeting. Maybe it is because it’s through one of those online “dating” services, but the situation is more about me than the service or the woman. This “condition” as I shall call it, was kind of brought to my attention by a post a friend of mine put up recently on her blog. (hotpinksocks) Recently she had to dump a man who just wasn’t into being careful with her heart. (I don’t know him, but from what I read from her writings, he’s a dick. And that’s with my BS filter on.) But she mentioned something in the end of her post about how to be able to trust men after she said to him can she trust him with her heart and he said yes and then went and crushed it. So how does this remind me of myself?

Seems like I tend to overwhelm my dates. Too much information about myself or too much feedback. Maybe I’m attracting people who are resistant to sharing more about themselves. Or maybe the situation is that I am too comfortable with sharing too much too quickly. Add also in too much of a high expectation that I have of wanting to hear from that person, probably more frequently than they are ready to give. I think, I am all too much ready to “jump” in the waters of a relationship rather than taking my time and wading in. I would think that I would see this much more clearly, especially with when you take the time and go slower, I would suspect that you would be able to see incompatibility between the two much more clearly before complete “mind melding” has happened!

While my friend is clearly hurt from the experience, and rightly so, for me it is getting tiring and draining.  It’s like an investment of my personal energy. Energy of taping into my emotions, finding words to express the feelings, observations, remembering the details, spending the time focusing on the person to remember conversations. All of these take their toll. Not good or bad, I’m not passing judgement, it’s more like, I am tired of spending all that energy doing that for then someone who, then just doesn’t respond. Or can’t express to me to stop/slowdown or “YES WE LIKE IT! MORE MORE MORE!!!”

The problem is, I’m really struggling to figure out how to hold back. The thing is, I LIKE to share myself with others. Something’s gotta give, cause I’m getting tired of the disappointment. And being disappointed is just not a place i like to be, cause then all those bad things about myself I really don’t like start to come out. It’s like I go all DARKSIDE. Ugh. I want to stay positive and be in the LIGHT. So let’s keep it positive.

One Comment

  1. hotpinksox says:

    Just this morning I was thinking about how emotionally exhausting dating is. On one hand you want to cut through the BS and get to the good stuff or cut it off if you aren’t getting what you need. On the other hand, giving so much of yourself to multiple people (when dating online) can just be too much at times. But without either you will never be rewarded with the gift of love in return. So we put on our protective suits and try, try again until we hit the jackpot. I’m happy to know I am not the only one. 🙂