Keeping Conscious » personal development

Better being positive

Eric — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 19:52:56 +0000

Lately it seems that I’ve been struggling with a lot of “hard stuff”, life challenges you could call them. It’s okay cause I see it as normal, but I find my propensity to then want to spew, and I DO mean to use that word, on the social networks in a frustrated ‘rage’. Why? Am I looking for attention? Most likely. Plus I know it’s NOT helpful to my whole social media experience (that’s the marketer in me talking…) Klout measurement or for the bombardment to my friends and acquaintances. I mean, really who wants to hear someone spew negative shite?

Seems like this spewing behavior on social media outlets is part of the norm for most people, as I see it. Most times I attribute it to people who are “unaware” of what they do and the consequence of what they do. Or maybe they just really don’t care. Well I do care and I putting this out on my blog as a way to reinforce my commitment to keeping my social media comments as positive.

Onwards and upwards!

Partners needs

Eric — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:39:09 +0000

While at the gym to day I over heard some older men talking about women. Just give them what they want…they’re going to get it anyways! hahaha! And we just keep on giving it to them, whatever they ask for. HAHAHA!

And so on. You’ve heard the conversation. It’s been ridiculed in comedy standup for ages.

I was thinking about it while doing my gym workout sets.

So you give your wife, everything (materialistic stuff) she asks for and she is always asking for more. And you continue to give her the stuff she asks for. I’m thinking about the dynamic of this relationship. What is truly happening here? At one level is sounds like the people in the relationship aren’t really getting what they truly want. It isn’t about the stuff. Maybe if we paid attention to one another more closely, we could figure out or listen more closely to what that person wants/needs from the relationship. Maybe it’s encouragement, emotional support, honest conversation. Instead of filling those needs with physical junk we don’t need that doesn’t stop the yearning, maybe try digging a little deeper to give your partner something a bit more meaningful.

So what do I need/want from my partner?

Cub Scout Badges

Eric — Fri, 21 May 2010 15:36:14 +0000

The other night I was walking with a friend after dinner and we got around to discussing what is important in your life, type of discussion. She mentioned that doing events/certain activities and going to special places had importance for her. These things were things that she could share with others and have a sense of accomplishment for herself. I kinda agree with her. But there is a second dimension to this equation that’s missing for me. I equate these accomplishments as Cub Scout badges. Little pieces of cloth you get and then sew onto a sash that you can then show off to others. That’s all good and fine, but ultimately I feel like these accomplishments are very “external” in their existence. These accomplishments don’t really reside INSIDE of me, except only as memories. Also the context in which this discussion was happening was that the doing of the activities, there wasn’t really mention of doing these activities WITH someone special in your life. Kinda doing them solo. Now, I don’t believe that the special person has to be RIGHT THERE with you doing the same activity…the person can be a supporter, a fellow experiencer of the event…etc. But essentially, the doing of these accomplishments are to not be done alone. They need to be shared. Or more importantly, it isn’t always the event/accomplishment that is what is important, but the person you relate it to.

Hmmm… maybe not quite right..keep trying. here:

As a person learning more about myself, for me to just go out and do things, they certainly help me in develop and get to know myself, but I feel that the real work in helping me to understand myself and where I am in the world, it really is about relationships with people and that other spiritual side/energy/god. I guess I would rather pass up a mountain climbing trip to Everest vs spending several days with someone who I can truly communicate and share myself with. Taking a walk in the park with this person on a daily basis would be far much more important to me vs a week by myself on top of the highest mountain.

I never did get many Cub Scout badges…

Art connection

Eric — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:39:33 +0000

Lawndale Art Center had an multi-artist opening on Friday night (3/12/2010). I knew none of the artists. But the event also had the Frosted Betty truck stopping by that specializes in cupcakes. That was actually my main drive to get out there. Silly I know, but hey, it’s CUPCAKES!

Got there a little early and no cupcake truck. So I went inside and mulled around on the main floor checking out the interesting video print and found film prints show. All of a sudden about 200+ people show up! What’s going on? Turns out, up on the second floor is another artist who’s art kinda referenced metallurgy. Well all these people were in town for a metallurgy conference!

I listened through the two downstairs artists talk. Kinda cool actually, for visually it reminded me of the sonic My Bloody Valentine concert I went to last year. [Extreme loud db makes your vision blurry not to mention your insides jiggle. Don't worry I had ear plugs and ear muffs on - together] When they finished I wandered up stairs to the second gallery area.

Up to the smaller upstairs show, Caroline Gore from Kalamazoo, MI. Small petite woman wearing something that looked like 5 inch heels. Very elfin looking. Anyways she starts to talk about her exhibit, which encompasses all four walls of the room. Now it is important to note that the work is not all consistent on the time line. It actually is an evolution of work of almost 10 years. Themes, poignant dreams, repeating symbols patterns and exploration of evolved insight is what happens over that time. What struck me was this parallel of her art work to my inner personal development work. How? Her work starts off with this “idea” that comes to her in a dream, so she works on making the piece. It’s like a raw outpouring of emotion that was triggered by this significant dream that she had. Powerful with work that can be characterized as created with raw tools. You know how when you work or do something completely new for the first time? How is it…weird. Unwieldily. Awkward. You make big movements to express the unfamiliar idea. There is no subtlety just this raw output. As your eye continues to follow along the wall and through her work…you see the evolution. Of her ability to tap into the rawness of that emotion that she had. But it’s not so raw. It’s evolving. Still powerful, still emotional. But her ability to express is refining, getting better. More subtlety is coming out in the work…more and more as your eyes continue around. I just felt it. I GOT IT. I was like for a good couple of minutes CONNECTED to this artist. My life and it’s struggles of working on my “issues” post divorce. Filtering out the raw, getting in touch with the emotion, finding ways of expression, trusting myself to know what was right. I felt I was looking at a timeline of a physical manifestation of my inner mental journey.

She made an interesting comment about her current status of the work. She felt “complete about it”. Like she had come to an end of exploration of it, but that didn’t mean to me that she was leaving it behind. Maybe a projection, but my take was. I’ve learned from this. I have been absorbed in it for some time and I have taken it as far as I need to go with it. I got this sense from her that now, she ready for the next phase. Again so much alike my development. I have worked and learned these things about myself as well as skills to express and work out. I am done with this level. I am ready to move on to the next. The next deeper level of learning about myself utilizing the tools I’ve learned in this round.

When Caroline concluded her little speech, I was just standing there transfixed on her. I was feeling “floaty” as if my body and mind were on another plane. I felt connected to here. Not in a “boy likes girl” sort of way, but a connection with a HUMAN. Like that expression “you can only walk in your own shoes” DIDN’T apply. It was like a shared moment that I got without communicating. It was communication, just in a completely different way. When the crowd subsided around her, I walked up and introduced myself. I had to talk slow and metered cause I was still so shaken/touched/excited/floatin. I told her what I have told you. The look in her eyes. She got it. She understood. I think there was a few seconds of not saying anything. Just feeling it. I squeezed her arm and said thanks. She smiled and turned away.

So what is art? What does art do for us? Is it just these little one off experiences? Is it a medium for us to try to connect with people about transcendent expressions? Maybe it is a hope of expression to connect to someone else with something that the individual feel. And for that expression to be pure, real. All I know is that for that briefest of moment, I felt connection with another human and it was as near close as I could get There is something there about that feeling of awareness of that moment that was really unique and “awesome”. How can I continue to keep myself aware of these possibilities? How can I prepare myself for them? How can I bring them to fruition with more frequency? Are they a situation that should be experienced more? And I guess ultimately, are they helpful. How?

Heavy stuff. We’ll just have to see where this goes and evolves.

Death is everywhere…

Eric — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 02:49:08 +0000

1.) In the morning went to my folks to get ready to take them to the airport for their trip. Helped them out by taking their cat to the vet for boarding. Was taking “Sammy” out of the car into the vet when I noticed the vet technicians bolting out of the vet building carrying a stretcher. They rushed out over to a SUV an popped open the back where a man in a runner outfit was covered in blood. They pulled out a dog covered in blood and not moving. They loaded it on the stretcher and sprinted inside. It immediately shook me. I started crying immediately and told the runner guy covered in blood, “I’m so sorry!”. It was overwhelming. I just stood there in the parking lot for several minutes just crying and feeling the shock and pain of the poor animal. Once I made it inside it was clear that everyone that works at the vet were shocked. Turns out the animal and owners were customers of the vet and had been for many years. Even more sad.

2.) As I was leaving the vet, I was exiting the parking lot out onto the main street/throughfare and I noticed that there was a major, MAJOR accident just up the street in the opposite direction I was going. THREE ambulances and a fire truck at the stop light just up the road. I have no idea what was going on, but the entire lane of the traffic was stopped.

3.) When I got home and relayed the events to my parents, my mother mentioned to me that my sister, two days prior, had lost one of her three dogs from getting hit by a car. Something to the effect of, she had let him outside and he got in the street and got hit by a car.

4.) I was at my place and was conveying the above three events to a close friend when she commented about a book I was reading that was open on the coffee table infront of us as I was talking. I was like, “What about the book?” And she said, look what the page is talking about:

Chart about Death

5.) Me and my friend, later on when to the Asian Market Restaurant and had dinner. When we got out of the store and walked to the car, parked next to me was a hearse vehicle!

I’m not going to try and pretend to understand what this all means. I’m just going to say, I noticed. It is what it is. That being said…my new friend has me feeling more “alive” than I have been in the last 4 years. She’s rocking my universe!