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July, 2010:

Partners needs

While at the gym to day I over heard some older men talking about women. Just give them what they want…they’re going to get it anyways! hahaha! And we just keep on giving it to them, whatever they ask for. HAHAHA!

And so on. You’ve heard the conversation. It’s been ridiculed in comedy standup for ages.

I was thinking about it while doing my gym workout sets.

So you give your wife, everything (materialistic stuff) she asks for and she is always asking for more. And you continue to give her the stuff she asks for. I’m thinking about the dynamic of this relationship. What is truly happening here? At one level is sounds like the people in the relationship aren’t really getting what they truly want. It isn’t about the stuff. Maybe if we paid attention to one another more closely, we could figure out or listen more closely to what that person wants/needs from the relationship. Maybe it’s encouragement, emotional support, honest conversation. Instead of filling those needs with physical junk we don’t need that doesn’t stop the yearning, maybe try digging a little deeper to give your partner something a bit more meaningful.

So what do I need/want from my partner?

new trends

I am noticing a recent trend in some of my dates with the people I have been meeting. Maybe it is because it’s through one of those online “dating” services, but the situation is more about me than the service or the woman. This “condition” as I shall call it, was kind of brought to my attention by a post a friend of mine put up recently on her blog. (hotpinksocks) Recently she had to dump a man who just wasn’t into being careful with her heart. (I don’t know him, but from what I read from her writings, he’s a dick. And that’s with my BS filter on.) But she mentioned something in the end of her post about how to be able to trust men after she said to him can she trust him with her heart and he said yes and then went and crushed it. So how does this remind me of myself?

Seems like I tend to overwhelm my dates. Too much information about myself or too much feedback. Maybe I’m attracting people who are resistant to sharing more about themselves. Or maybe the situation is that I am too comfortable with sharing too much too quickly. Add also in too much of a high expectation that I have of wanting to hear from that person, probably more frequently than they are ready to give. I think, I am all too much ready to “jump” in the waters of a relationship rather than taking my time and wading in. I would think that I would see this much more clearly, especially with when you take the time and go slower, I would suspect that you would be able to see incompatibility between the two much more clearly before complete “mind melding” has happened!

While my friend is clearly hurt from the experience, and rightly so, for me it is getting tiring and draining.  It’s like an investment of my personal energy. Energy of taping into my emotions, finding words to express the feelings, observations, remembering the details, spending the time focusing on the person to remember conversations. All of these take their toll. Not good or bad, I’m not passing judgement, it’s more like, I am tired of spending all that energy doing that for then someone who, then just doesn’t respond. Or can’t express to me to stop/slowdown or “YES WE LIKE IT! MORE MORE MORE!!!”

The problem is, I’m really struggling to figure out how to hold back. The thing is, I LIKE to share myself with others. Something’s gotta give, cause I’m getting tired of the disappointment. And being disappointed is just not a place i like to be, cause then all those bad things about myself I really don’t like start to come out. It’s like I go all DARKSIDE. Ugh. I want to stay positive and be in the LIGHT. So let’s keep it positive.